I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
