the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i think my mom watched the whole time
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
