Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
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I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
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i need some magic done to my vagina
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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