what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
