As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
