Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
They took my balls.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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