I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
