in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
