Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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