and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
two words...techno handjob
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Let's paint friendship bongs
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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