real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
