dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
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If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
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I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize