I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
