my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize