a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
