Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
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Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
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The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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