5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
