i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You ruined the universe
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
