I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
