The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
