so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
