do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
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