Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
