hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
