Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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