i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Too much gin, very little bucket
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
