Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
