I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
