i think my tv is drunk
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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