yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
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I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
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In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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