I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
