first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
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