Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
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