While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
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Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I want her autograph on my taint
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize