I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
