I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
