I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
