No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
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Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
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So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
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