the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
