Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
