Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
My nipple is on Facebook.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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