you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
