I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My bed smells like the plague
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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