I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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