Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
where does the pee come out of this thing
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
