The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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