After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Did I show you my penis last night?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I wish there were birth control emojis
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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