I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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