So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My hand turned me down
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Randomize
