You just made me feel so damn special
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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