i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
