Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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