From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
