Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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