I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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