do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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