The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
