dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
